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Send to a friendNovember 19,2007
Jokes for Men and Women
Scroll down for Jokes for Men
JOKES FOR WOMEN
Q: What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: What's the difference between E.T. and a man?
A: E.T. phoned home.
Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable".
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own
business?
1. No mind
2. No business.
Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly, you can walk on them for the rest of your life!
Q: What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.
Q: Why are men and like spray paint?
A: One squeeze and they're all over you.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on
the second date?
A: Slow.
Q: What is the insensitive bit at the base of the
penis called?
A: The man.
Men are like disposable tissues...
You can pick them up, blow them and then toss them
aside.
Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why ...or...They burn out if you run them to hard...
Jokes for MEN
Q: Why are hangovers better then women?
A: A hangover will go away.
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman’s breasts for?
A: It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Q: What does a 75 yr. old woman have between her breasts, that a 25 yr. old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.
Q: Did you here about the man who finally figured out women?
A: He died of laughing before he could tell anyone.
Q: Why is a woman like a dog turd?
A: The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.
Q: How do you make a woman scream for an hour after sex?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: What’s the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A: You come in one, and go in the other.
Q: If your wife keeps coming in from the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A: You’ve made her chain too long.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come, they’re wet and wild, and when they’ve gone they take your house and car with them.
Q: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q: Why do women scratch their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
A: they don’t have balls to scratch.
Q: A woman said to her firend, "Do you smoke after sex?"
A: "Gosh, I've never looked," she replied.
Q: Did you hear about 'good time Sal'?
A: When she died they had to bury her in a Y-shaped coffin.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: 'Cos once you're finished with the breasts and the thighs all you are left with is a greasy box!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and a thousand used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear, the other's a damn good year!
Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: Why do they call it P.M.S.???
A: Because the term "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
Q: What should you do if your girlriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a computer?
A: A computer will go down on you more often than you'd like. But you only have to punch information into a computer once.