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Send to a friendNovember 26,2007
Blonde Jokes
1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
7. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
8. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
9. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
10. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
11. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get f**ked up when they're on their back.
12. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
13. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
14. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
15. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
16. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
17. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
18. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
19. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
20. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
21. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
22. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
23. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
24. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
26. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
27. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
28. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
29. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
30. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
31. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
32. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
33. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
34. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
35. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
36. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
37. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
38. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
39. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
40. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
41. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
42. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
43. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
44. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
45. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilised.
46. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilised.
47. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
48. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.
49. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
50. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
51. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
52. Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
53. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
54. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
55. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
56. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
57. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
58. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
59. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
60. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
61. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
62. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
63. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
64. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
65. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
66. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
67. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
68. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
69. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
70. Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
71. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
72. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
73. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
74. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
75. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
76. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
77. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
78. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
79. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
80. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
81. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
82. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
83. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 25 cents to use a telephone.
84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
85. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
86. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts ...
87. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
88. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
89. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
90. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
91. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
92. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
93. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
94. Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
95. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
96. Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
97. Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
98. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.
99. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
100. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
101. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit
102. Q: Have you heard the mating call of a blonde?
A: "Oh I'm soooo drunk!"
103. Q: Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.