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Send to a friendApril 29,2007
More Golf Funnies...
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
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Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, "Why did you do that?" The man replies, "Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do."
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It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker -"Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee!"
Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee! Please!"
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
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One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
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Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the record business going?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I'm not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that under control now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right."
Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, I have been playing for years."
And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?"
He replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me, I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddy moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But how do you putt", says Nicklaus.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Nicklaus says: "What is your handicap."
Stevie says "Well, I play off scratch."
Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."
Wonder replies: "Well people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."
Nicklaus thinks about it and says "OK, I'm up for that - when would you like to play?"
"Any night next week is ok with me."
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With waning enthusiasm for the sport, a foursome of seniors hit the golf course.
"Seems these hills are getting steeper as the years go by," moaned the first senior.
"Boy, these fairways really seem to be getting longer too," complained the second.
"What about these sand traps!" They seem to be much bigger than I remember them," groaned the third.
Having heard enough from his three buddies, the oldest and wisest of the group said, "Stop complaining. Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"