Add to favourites
Send to a friendAugust 19,2007
Jokes
A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt".
At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey...I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender.
"Say what?"
"You heard me," said the barkeep. "It's the peanuts ... they're complimentary."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a little pig walked into a bar. He drank a couple, then got up to leave. he asked the bartender, "Which way to the bathroom?" She answered, "Go down the hall, first door on your left." The pig went to the bathroom and left.
The next day another little pig came into the bar. he also had a few drinks, and asked the bartender where the bathroom was. Again, she told him, "Go down the hall, first door on your left." Again, he went to the bathroom and left.
This went on for another week. One day a pig walked in. he had a few drinks, but he got up and started to walk out. The bartender stopped him and asked, "Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?"
The little pig replied "No, I'm going wee wee wee all the way home..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These two vampires used to take a non-vampire with them on their bar-hopping escapades. But whenever they ran out of money to buy their libations, they would jab their unfortunate human companion in the neck, and quench their thirst at his expense. He finally refused to go with them anymore, complaining, "I'm tired of getting stuck for the drinks!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, a snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Polar Bear walks into a bar and squares up to the barman. "I'll have a whisky and coke ............ and some peanuts" said the Polar Bear, in a gruff voice.
To which the bartender replied, "Why the big paws"